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03/04/2005 Archived Entry: "Some new Bashage"
This first one is pure gold!!
STLFX0: A true story told by L.A.P.D.
An old mexican man lived alone in East Los Angeles. He wanted to spade his garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jose, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jose:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my garden this year. I'm just too old to be digging up a garden. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.
Tu Padre
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa:
Por Dios, Papa, don't dig up the garden. That's where I buried all my drugs and money.
Tu hijo,
Jose
At 6 a.m. the next morning, the L.A. Sheriffs showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any drugs or money. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa:
Go ahead and plant your garden now, papa. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love,
Jose
[RvLeshrac] [Terrorists] Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
[NegaDuk] i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
[RvLeshrac] [China] We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
[NegaDuk] [China] nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
[RvLeshrac] [China] We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
[NegaDuk] i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
[RvLeshrac] Seriously.
[RvLeshrac] China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
[RvLeshrac] [US] Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. [China] We stop birth restriction! [US] Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
[RvLeshrac] I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
[RvLeshrac] [China] All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
[NightStar] damn those bad chinese laundry places
[RvLeshrac]
[RvLeshrac]
* Bassfiend flicks to "The Avengers" for a bit of Uma...
< planetWayne> nah - shes a bit ... ugly..
< planetWayne> although I liked killbill#
* Bassfiend doesn't want to talk to planetWayne ever again.
< Bassfiend> Uma is my love!!!
< planetWayne> her eyes are not set properly.
< Bassfiend> Correct ...
< Bassfiend> ... they should be four inches above the level of my penis.
(@Phaysis) anyone here ever taken yoga classes?
(@tesko) yes, and i stopped when i learned i couldnt breathe fire
wertis: im going to go pick up my brother
ubermensch: i perfer to pick up chicks but suit yourself
wertis: fuck you
Spanky: dude...there's a guy with the aim SN "themormonjihad"
TyFlame: rofl
Spanky: what the FUCK
TyFlame: conquering the world, one wife at a time
< nick> FUCKING HELL!!!!
< nick> I swear one day I'm just gonna go and hunt down every stupid bitch on earth and put them out of their misery...
< R4an0m> ?
< nick> Ok, theres this resteraunt just down the road from me where I eat every now and then.. other night I go in for dinner with my girlfriend. After drinking half a bottle of wine, my bowls begin to complain, so I head to the bathroom
< nick> I use the urinal and turn towards the sink and start to zip up at the same time when in walks this young girl of about 18, quite nice looking, and there I am with my dick still halfway out of my pants...
< nick> so I turn pretty damn fast in the other direction and zip up, then turn back expecting to find she'd dissapeared, only to discover that not only hadn't she left, she'd let the door shut and walked in a couple of steps towards me. Now I'm pretty embarrassed and point out to her that she had gone through the wrong door.
< nick> She tells me that no she didn't and then she fucking reaches down and grabs my dick through my pants! I take a quick step backwards and ask her what the hell does she think she's doing (I mean shit what would happen if I wandered into the ladies and started feeling people up??).. she gets this disgusted look on her face and turns round, storms out the bathroom
< nick> Now I'm left standing there going "what the fuck just happened??" for about a minute, then wash my hands and head back to the resteranut... only to be greeted by the young lady, the resteraunt manager and some 7 foot tall, 4 foot wide dude with "Security" written on his shirt. Alarm bells proceed to go off in my head, but I stay calm and ask what the problem is
< nick> the manager tells me the young lady (known from here on in as the bitch) has complained about me sexually harassing her when she accidently walked into the wrong bathroom!
< nick> I resist the urge to walk over and punch her, and try to explain my version of what happened. At this point the bitch pipes up and calls me a "lying son of a bitch" that was a "menace to society"
< nick> so I think "right I'll fix you" and turn to her and say "look you stupid bitch, you came onto me, I turned you down, what kind of sad pathetic loser are you, that you have to hit on random guys in a bathroom anyway? Get over it, you lost, no need to get all bitchy over it."
< nick> I figure now she'll either shut up or totally lose it and start screaming at me, but alas, I was mistaken about how fucked I truely was. Instead of shutting up, she looked at me for a second then burst into tears, before turning to the manager and saying inbetween sobs....
< nick> ".....you're not going let him say that to me, are you daddy?"
< R4an0m> aahahahahahaa!!
< nick> so now Im sore from being thrown out the door by that bouncer, and I got a vist from the police this morning telling me I was being charged with sexual assault.. :(.
< LazyWulfran> i've watched enough asian porn to discern that when 2 asian people have sex, semen goes everywhere except where it needs to go for conception. therefore, they must have an alternate method of reproduction
< cancerpass> ever watched the monty python show/movies?
< over-thurr> yeah he's a very funny guy!
< cancerpass> i'll take that as a no
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.
LMAO :D
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